Thursday, May 08, 2008

Eurovision vs American Idol


VS


How could you? You traitor! Je Trut! Tu Putana! Du Dirne! You Bitch!!! The Eurovision Gods stage-whisper in my ear. ... I could have said no ... I could have turned it down ... I could've ... I should've ... but ... I ... I ... can't never could

What's all the fuss about? Why are the Eurovison Gods angry at me? Why am I seeking pennance by listening to every Eurovision 2008 song entry, signing up to watch Eurovision live via the web, studying pictures/wikipedia/etc of every contestant? Why have I foresaken EUROVISION? Or have I?


It all started last year when I was hooping and hollering at Paul's (my twin brother from another mother & father - he's Dutch, born in Holland but looks a lot like me except the bitch is skinner - I'm taller!! Ha! Ha! Ha!) semi-final Eurovision party. It was Paul, Alex (a Maltese) and I. It was a great time of noodle eating, commenting on the horrible outfits, bad singing, bad dancing, etc. For those non-Eurosavians I'll explain: you get one vote from either your mobile/home phone; you can call/sms (text) in for any other country except the one you currently in; if this country gets enough points they will move on to the final.

Well, at first I was going to vote for the dapper suited German jazz singer (singing in German - yes German Jazz - very cool), but once I saw the bad dykey haircutted, untucked suit-shirted lesbian I was intrigued. Then when she opened her mouth and that beautiful fem voice came out I was entranced! Plus her entourage of Charlie's Angel-like lipstick lesbian Eastern-European Model back-up singers (whew - that's a mouthful) didn't hurt. She sang Moltiva (Prayer) and just blew me away ... so to speak.

But then a strange silver covered star beanie wearing Ukrainian Drag Queen caught my eye with a catchy tune called Dansink and a even catchier semi-German refrain, "Sieben, sieben, ai lyu-lyu; Sieben, sieben, eins, zwei; Sieben, sieben, ai lyu-lyu; Eins, zwei, drei." Pure German-Ukrainian poetry to my ears!

Mein Gott in Himmel - who to vote for? German Jazz, Serbian Lez or Ukrainian Dragzter ... Quick ... QUICK ... voting almost over ... OMFG this was just as stressful as a presidental election ... world politics depends on my vote ... I took a deep breath ... calmed myself (it was only the semi-finals anyway) and made my choice ... I smsed and waited impatiantly for the results ... I won! My choice got through to the final ... Heil the Eurovision Deities!

2 days later - EUROVISION FINAL held at Mark's (the QETC's amazing actor/singer/director) with a smorgasbord of voters a Turk, Dutchie, Dutchie, South African, Brit (Mark) and another Brit (yes that is a painting of a willie - quite distracting when trying to rehearse serious dramatic scenes). For the full group of pictures check out Eurovision Finale 2008

So ... sipping wine and eating chocolates we go into the final ... voting ... waiting to see who the next champion will be ... not sure if you know, but Eurovision was won by ABBA (before they were famous), 20 yr old Celine Dion (singing for Switzerland), Dana International (a post-op transsexual) and Sir Cliff Richard almost won in 1968. We drank, watched, laughed, cried (in jest at the fashion), bitched, moaned, ate, shouted (me thinks I doth protested just a wee tad bit too much, but Eurovision gets me all fired up) and voted. Mark was ever so clever to make a score card, and as you can see my top three from the semi-final made it through to the final. See if you can guess who won, by my score card (I gave them 3 straight twelves).

If you have never seen one (an Eurovision Show) it's a must - you have to listen to BBC's Terry Wogan give his 2 pence worth on all the festivities; he's a hoot all by himself.

This year I had planned to be in Belgrade, Serbia to watch it with Serbian/Hungarian P-Hubby and his wife, but, because of this and that I am unable to get over there ... but ... fate gave me a consolation prize AMERICAN IDOL!!! Yep, in this strange twisted life of mine the Gods offered me the next best thing: a TV Commercial and tickets to American Idol!!

The Commercial: I booked it through TV Guide; it's a commercial for Garnier Fructis were my Reality TV addicted girlfriend Jodi (she really is in real life - she watches Big Brother 24hrs) and I get a "make-over," say how much we LOVE Garnier and tell America how much we now look like rock stars (I will get a copy and try to add it to the blog). As payment we got a national commercial and Idol tickets! The first time I have ever acted with Jodi - was a blast!! You know the best thing about being on Idol wasn't - watching loopy Paula Abdul, watching an impressive Ryan Seacrest (say what you want about him - he's a fucking awesome Host; makes it look easy, when in fact it is very difficult), watching the Idols-in-waiting, watching Howie Mandel sitting behind Simon Cowell - wondering why he's all spiffed out when his daughter's dressed like a bum, watching Judge Judy standing/waving after being introduced (Jodi almost tore me limb-from-limb to get a glance - she's a Judge Judy FREEK), watching one of the 4 contestants get voted off ... no ... it twas none of these ... twas only Jodi and I's like totally favorite ... like ... in the world (well almost) band: Maroon 5. OMG!!!! OMG!!! They were fucking awesome!!! One song, but hey, for free!!! That made our night!

All that said ... it was still no Eurovision, but the next best thing! I will not worship false IDOLS! Praise the Eurovison Gods they ROCK MY VOTE!

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